China’s rise is peaceful. Stoned-faced officials with botox-esque smiles repeat this mantra with unwavering belief in its truth, much like how the pigs in George Orwell’s Animal Farm recited their views from slogans daubed on the side of their master’s former home. They have successfully managed to convince many foreign observers of its veracity.
In fact, to show just how harmonious the country is, cartographers from the PLA (Political Line Administration) have taken the time to put together a map charting what the country sees as its Air Defense Identification Zone. This defines its sphere of influence in order to avoid creating any confusion and misunderstanding that could lead to conflict. Unfortunately, the lines they have drawn in the sandpit at United Nations HQ in New York overlap with those marked by Japanese mappers – their neighbors from across the hallway. Japan is not happy and ran off to tell teacher.
Fed up of their constant squabbling, UN headmaster Ban Ki-moon, who just happens to hail from South Korea, has put both in detention. But only-child China, used to getting its way at home, has thrown on a pair of Beats by Bre headphones and is refusing to listen to pleas to play nice.
All hope is not lost though. The launch of a new online petitioning system, originally envisaged to enable ordinary citizens to lodge complaints directly to government leaders as they munch on some baozi and congee over breakfast, is almost ready. Using China’s world-beating super-fast 4G network (that is, once the government finally grants operating licenses), the system will also reportedly be a channel to resolve diplomatic and playground disputes.
Until then, US, Japanese and South Korean military aircraft and tourists from Mars will continue to fly in and out of the ADIZ at will while PLA staff angrily shake their quills at the sky.
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