Reporting in China ain’t easy. Without anonymous sources and leaks, there wouldn’t be much foreign reporting on China except for school bus crashes and top leaders’ musings that they’re really going to reform this time, they swear, really, believe it this time, it’s gonna happen soon, come on, please don’t pull all of your money out of Chinese stocks…would it help you believe this time if Li Keqiang says it?
Well, CER got our hands on the juiciest of internal documents, one that’s really going to blow the lid off this farcical operations some people call a country. Among our findings:
1. Remember that cash crunch that happened in June? People are still puzzling over the cause of that one, and we’ve got your answer – sheer ineptitude. The proof: when the PBoC injected US$2.8 billion into the financial system this week, a typo instead lead them to inject reams of cash into the country’s sewer systems. Thank god officials acted fast to correct that one, otherwise some of the money may actually have ended up in the clutches of some small and medium enterprises.
2. And recall that GlaxoSmithKline probe that just won’t go away and landed 19 of the firm’s employees in custody at the end of last week? Turns out all of them were bribing medical personnel using rye bread as payments, in addition to the all-expenses-paid vacations with some of China’ hottest pavement princesses, of course.
4. Behind the scenes, the country is actually controlled by a lich king.
Whew, it’s a lot to digest, we know. While CER won’t quite claim to be the next WikiLeaks just yet, if this doesn’t make a couple of buxom Swedes want to sleep with us, we don’t know what will. Now if only any drugmakers want to finance our trip to Sweden…