Hackers are so misunderstood. In what has to be the most authentic portrayal of cyber hooligans ever, the 1995 movie “Hackers,” wayward youths use their hacking ability to set off school sprinkler systems, screw up the stock exchange and even get caught up in a battle for a virus that could capsize an oil tanker – all in a day’s work for a hacker. So when an American securities firm alleged that the Chinese military merely breaching US networks and maybe helping themselves to a trade secret or two, the People’s Liberation Army thought they should be applauded for not doing something way worse.
China initially attempted to distract from the report by claiming the US military had hacked a giant screen in downtown Zhongshan in Guangdong province in order to play 20 minutes of one US intelligence officers’ favorite skin flicks. To Foreign Ministry spokesman Hong Lei’s dismay, the incident was later linked back to some poor Chinese office schlub. It looks like the Chinese government has their work cut out for them to deny this one. One purported cyberattack was so obvious that a military officer hacked the US, then logged into Facebook and poked the White House. “Really? A poke? What is this 2005?” a top fictional White House aide said, while trying to pretend he wasn’t flattered by the attention. With the US officials plan to “name and shame” unlikely to truly deter Chinese hackers, we suggest in the meantime that readers post the following on their Facebook accounts: “By the present communiqué, I notify China that it is strictly forbidden to disclose, copy, distribute, disseminate, or take any other action against me on the basis of this profile and/or its contents…” Works like a charm, we hear.