Hu and Wen exit with Mexican chicken wrap
Experts suggested this week that the 18th People’s Congress may have been an elaborate distraction to ease the final phasing out of the KFC Mexican chicken wrap, a legacy that culinarily defined the last 10 years of everything in China. The cultural cornerstone disappeared quietly into the night with few voices questioning its disappearance. A flaccid beef wrap with Sichuanese spices has replaced the “mojuar,” as it was known to roughly 20% of humanity. The Beijing chicken wrap also vanished from KFC menus, but no one ever really liked that one anyway. Pundits have called the move a “once-in-a-decade menu shuffle.” New top leadership appointments within the Communist Party were also likely to be highly connected to the transition of the wraps. New leaders in Chongqing and Tianjin were well-known supporters of the phase out. The power of China’s security chief has been curbed after the crispy Mexican chicken and its mayonnaise-based sauce reportedly garnered strong ties to the country’s central security apparatus. When questioned on the whereabouts of the Mexican wrap, a KFC cash register attendant said they “didn’t have it anymore.” Pressed repeatedly for an answer, she said she “didn’t know.” At the time of reporting, no connection had been drawn between the disappearance of the wrap and China’s 2012 FDI figures, which are expected to break US$100 billion, or Japan’s declining exports to China.
Middle Kingdom malaise
The dust has settled from the globe’s largest leadership transition in memory, and man were we surprised – by how bored we were. Seriously, great news for world stability, but where’s the cataclysmic change promised by the media hype of the last year? This week was back to the humdrum to-be-expected news that CER has milked out of China for years. Car companies are expanding in the mainland, like we haven’t heard that one before. Southeast Asia wants to talk to China about the South China Sea dispute, snore. Perhaps the only thing that raised our pulse from comatose to merely lethargic levels was the possible revival of the IPO market. PICC is looking to raise up to US$3.6 billion in a Hong Kong issue, one that they swear is really going to happen this time. Meanwhile, YY – some social network that no one has ever heard of – is apparently being greeted warmly after being the first company to list in the US in seven months.
We are even boring ourselves. Despite CER’s blatant self-promotion push via Twitter, it has become abundantly clear that we’re doing it wrong. Apparently if you want to be recognized in China, you need to reference decade-old horror movies so cryptically that no one but the censors know what you’re talking about. Internet support rallied to Zhai Xiaobing after being arrested for tweeting that “An earthshaking debut will be seen at the global premiere on Nov 8!” in an apparent reference to “Final Destination.” Detention is surely no picnic, but those few hundred new Twitter followers must be making Zhai feel pretty good.