Some people just want to see the world burn. A lot of those people are probably journalists. Unfortunately for these nameless individuals, China released GDP data on Monday that hit the predicted 7.5% mark in the second quarter, dispelling fears that growth would undershoot after a batch of bad export data. There is nothing more boring than when everything goes as expected, with the possible exception of being forced to watch the teen drama flick “Tiny Times.” Seriously, we want our 120 renminbi back.
More good (read: boring) news this week: China added 7.25 million jobs in the first half of the year. In our 30 seconds of internet research, we’ve been unable to find any breakdown of where those jobs came from, but we have our suspicions. At least half of those jobs are likely in the National Bureau of Statistics, where legions have now been dedicated to counting the Politburo’s intake of baijiu, luxury watches and bribes on the world’s largest abacus. Also, let’s not forget the team devoted to faking compiling the monthly data releases.
Another quarter of jobs will purportedly go into the trade obstruction industry. After weeks of trade kerfuffles from solar to wine to electronics, Beijing’s only option is to send some 3.6 million Chinese to encircle pesky offending nations in Europe with miles-long Red Rover lines.
The last quarter of jobs will probably be added in the solar industry, as China seeks to quadruple its solar capacity. By our informal estimates, some 90% of Chinese are now employed in the solar industry, which is now about as overcapacity as a Chinese school bus – a situation that generally ends well.
There is at least one person out of job, however: Google China’s CEO. John Liu Yun stepped down, citing that he no longer had anything to do. Yun said he hoped his experience with Google might lead to a long and fruitful career as the one of the China’s leading blowhards.
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