Pigs have always had a bad rap. People may think these animals are filthy, but in reality they’re clean, smart and sometimes downright adorable. And we’re not just defending them because we’re sore over our publisher forcing us to return the micro-pig we bought for the office. (We’ll miss you Slapstick and will be thinking of your glorious new life on the farm.)
As self-professed swine lovers, CER was horrified at this week’s news that evidence of a vast porcine holocaust appeared in the Huangpu River that supplies much of Shanghai’s water. As the body count climbed well past 6,000, officials assured that there was no health risk to the public. Authorities suspect a disease outbreak killed the pigs and detected porcine circovirus in the water, which normally doesn’t affect humans. (Slapstick, if you’re out there reading this, please don’t go swimming!) Naturally, this is a problem that a few pitchforks and a labor-intensive economy can easily solve. No systemic public health issues in this country, no sir.
But how to make sure such a vile act is not committed again? We think we have the man for the job: China Securities and Regulatory Commission chief Guo Shuqing. What’s that? He’s already been tipped to be in charge of the China Investment Corporation sovereign wealth fund? And he’s supposed to be the next provincial chief of Shandong? Next sources are going to be telling Reuters and South China Morning Post that Guo will replace every member of the nine-member Politburo Standing Committee as well. With Guo all tied up, there’s no hope of stopping the landslide of pig carcasses.
News of the waterborne swine reached Hong Kong just as Charles Li of Hong Kong Exchanges & Clearing predicted that the renminbi would float freely within five years. On hearing of the incident, Li purportedly remarked, “Get it together, China, you’re making me look like a fool.” Welcome to China, Li, where the pigs float and the currency doesn’t.